Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Weepy

For days now I have had this...well it can only be described as weepy. Anything and everything could very easily cause the tears to engage and the heart to beat at a heavy aching pace. I am emotional over commercials, tiny moments with my kids, seemingly "harmless" conversations with my husband. He continues to watch the smallest changes in my face to determine wether now is a good time to talk to me about weekend plans, work updates, or baby excitement. Three pregnancies with me has molded him into a cautious, overprotective, and gentle husband. I sure love that man! Its almost over honey!
But here is what I've decided...these symptoms of pregnancy: overly emotional, weepiness, nesting, fits of frustration are only a "symptom" because thats the natural resulting response when you take a perfectly capable, independent, attractive woman and turn her life upside down. You add 20-40 extra pounds on her already (not so perfect) body. This weight affects not just her self esteem but her ability to move and maintain her life as she knew it. Suddenly everything from the waste down can't be cleaned the way she'd like, the tiny McDonalds toys escape her practiced hand because well she can't bend down that far! But its not just the things below that confound her now. No! The things above her head, for instance cupboards...her belly actually shortens her reach now too! And forget grabbing a stool to get to the rarely used food dehydrator. The stool will be her demise if she risks her unevenly proportioned self on top of the tiny pedestal. And thats just the house cleaning overview. What about chasing after toddler children? Forget it....its not happening. Here is where the fits of frustration enter. She has lost her temper and her sanity...and her kids in terror slowly and cautiously approach what is usually their mom. Then the weepiness begins...guilt....oh the guilt! "Mommy just doesn't feel good and its not your fault. I'm sorry mommy scared you! Please don't run away from scarey mommy again!" Yeah right! And then that process repeats over and over again as that belly gets bigger and she finds herself limited even more. Until, like myself, she is reduced to mostly weepy because all the things she used to take pride in: her appearance, her ability to organize her home, to clean her home, her ability to be a good mom, a good wife, are not only compromised they seem completely gone! So doctors you call it a symptom, I call it a big mean trick! Thank heavens that within the first year of the new babies life you regain all those things again. Just takes time.

5 comments:

LC said...

Oh, my Rachel. It's like the quote you like. "Slow and steady wins the race." I think pregnancy is how children get back at us for all the therapy they'll need later.

dippyrooroo said...

Oh my goodness, I'm so glad I'm not pregnant any more! I'm sorry that doesn't help you any, but you've reminded me that there is definitely something worse than dealing with four kids! ;) Pregnancy is miserable! Today I've had the Micheal McLean song 'Gentle' in my mind, and I just don't think there is a time of life that it doesn't apply to, but It certainly got to apply to mommies most especially. "One thing that I know for certain, he has born the awful burden, so I can be gentle with myself". If you haven't heard it, you should find it. It's the best song to have stuck in your head! I'll be calling you tomorrow! I'm so excited to see you! I want to go to all our favorite places!

Lindsay said...

Love it! Well, actually...I hate it - pregnancy, that is. And you just did a great job of reminding me all about it. :) Hang in there - you're almost finished!

Ollievie said...

You have captured in words what every honest pregnant woman has felt . . . bravo! Of course, my sanity, my body, my brain, any competencies, etc. have yet to return for me - and my number 3 baby is now almost 7 months old. They may be lost for good. My little Berr is quite vocal and, how can I say this nicely . . . loud. I'm pretty sure it's because he thinks it's quite the norm to talk in a scream. I'm gonna blame it on his Dad, because I can't be responsible for everything ;) Good luck my dear friend! Hang in there!

John said...

I love this post. I also hated pregnancy with a vengeance. Thank goodness I like my kids... most of the time. LOL!